There’s been some talk about how meditation and any other form of focusing on our own being and our own desires is selfish, how we shouldn’t be so focused on making ourselves happy and peaceful but more considering of others.
Did anyone give you this talk? Were you feeling guilty?
You shouldn’t have.
Just Like When You Get Married
This metaphor works mostly for girls, but guys will (should) understand as well 🙂
When you were a little girl, you and your friend dreamed about marrying Mr. Right and living happily ever after. As you grew older, both of you kept that dream, modifying it according to your experience and desires, but the dream stayed.
One day you meet yours. He’s gorgeous and so funny, he’s everything you ever wanted. He asks you to marry him, and you’re so excited, your dream is coming true.
But your friend hasn’t found her Mr. Right yet.
Until now the two of you were sharing everything, you were like sisters. Your marriage will change the things between you, there’s no doubt about it. And yet you have no doubt about whether you should or shouldn’t marry the guy of your dreams.
It’s what you’ve always wanted. It’s how you were supposed to evolve: to be a wife, then a mom, then a grand-mom. Your girlfriend may be sad about it, but it’s not selfish. It’s life, your life, and you better take good care of it.
You Evolve, and That’s What You’re Supposed to Do
Your only task is to take care of yourself and to grow!
That above all includes finding your personal happiness and peace. We all have different paths to it, some of us take long detours… but it’s completely in our hands. We can’t influence the paths of other people in our life (no matter how much we want to), and we shouldn’t be trying to do that.
The only person that we really can influence is the one we see in the mirror. Everything else is beyond our control, so we shouldn’t waste our energy on it – at least, not too much of it.
Our job is to align with who we really are – then everything comes to place, one way or another. Self-improvement isn’t about pleasing others and becoming someone that no one will find objectionable. You may lose some people along the way, as they will stop being a vibrational match to you – and there’s no reason to feel bad about it.
It has happened before in different forms, and it’s normal. You are supposed to evolve, and don’t let anyone or anything keep you from it.
Besides, If You Don’t Love and Accept Yourself…
… you won’t be able to truly care for others. But let’s just stop for a second here and ask this: why do people fear that they won’t be able to care for others, or that others will perceive them as an inconsiderate and selfish person?
Too many people show they care for one simple reason: their own insecurity. Everyone wants to be loved, to be accepted and invited to parties, and many times we think that if we show that we care for others, others will then care for us. It’s not how it works (not even if you completely dismiss the LoA – people just don’t “work” the way we do).
And not only that it doesn’t work like that; when we do something out of our own insecurity, we’re not doing it for the right reasons – because we’re not going towards aligning with who we are. We do things to please others, not according to what we really feel, and that is always wrong.
When we’re truly aligned with who we are, we don’t feel the need to show others that we care. That doesn’t mean that we will start offending people when we get aligned, enlightened or whatever you want to call it. It just means that we will stop attracting people who are ready to be offended.
In other words, when you’re aligned, you stop fearing what others think of you, and your appreciation of them becomes clear and natural because the people that you attract are those who are also aligned with who they are. They don’t need you to care for them, just like you don’t need them to care for you – but you still appreciate each other, and it’s much better for both parties.
That is what you should strive for, what all of us should strive for. It’s not selfish – it’s the only way we can achieve anything, as we’re the only thing we can control.