John Gray


John Gray, one of the law of attraction teachers from The Secret, is a relationship counselor, lecturer and author best known for his international bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which aims to assist men and women to understand, respect and appreciate their differences.


John Gray was born in 1951 in Houston, Texas. His father was an oil executive and his mother worked at a spiritual bookshop. After graduating from high school, John Gray attended both the University of St. Thomas in Houston and the University of Texas, and received a bachelors and masters degree in the Science of Creative Intelligence at the  Maharishi International University.

Gray received his PhD in 1982 from Columbia Pacific University.

His career started when he was 18: in 1969 he attended a Transcendental Meditation lecture, when he began a nine-year association with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. He later became a celibate and Maharishi’s personal assistant.

After this period, Gray  began his career as an author and personal relationship counselor. In 1992 he published the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which became an international best seller, published in over 40 languages. The book sold more than 50 million copies, and earned the author almost $18 million. The book became a “popular paradigm” for problems in relationships based on the different tendencies in each gender, although some  critics have accused Gray of limiting human psychology to stereotypes.

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus formed the central theme of all his subsequent books and career activities: it led to audiotapes and videotapes, weekend seminars, theme vacations, a one-man Broadway show, an TV sitcom plus a movie contract with 20th Century Fox.

In 1997 Gray co-founded Mars Venus Institute with Darren Stevens, who was one of the marketing strategists behind the Mars Venus branding. The same year Gray began opening Mars & Venus Counseling Centers, where he trains therapists in his “Mars & Venus technique”.

John Gray is today a family therapist who has made numerous media appearances including Oprah and Larry King Live, and written 17 books on relationships and personal growth. He lives in Northern California with his wife Bonnie, and continues to travel the world teaching communities and companies the best ways to improve their relationships and communication.

Teachings and Philosophy

Since he published his bestseller in 1992, the central metaphor, that men and women are from two different planets, makes the basis for his counseling and teachings about relationships. This metaphor states that most of common relationship problems between men and women are a result of fundamental psychological differences between the genders.

Gray believes that men and women each monitor the amount of give and take in relationships, and if the balance shifts, resentment can develop; that’s when communication should bring the relationship back into balance.

He explains how men and women are different in many ways: for example, the two genders have different scoring systems when it comes to the individual acts of love – while women give 1 point to each individual act of love, regardless of its magnitude, men assign small acts fewer points, with larger blocks of points going to what they think are big ones, which makes one of the fundamental relationship issues.

According to his official website, “his approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness and romance.” His other books and coaching deal with the leading false assumptions that create problems between men and women at work and at home.


  • Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (1992)
  • Mars and Venus on a Date
  • What You Feel You Can Heal
  • Men, Women and Relationships
  • Mars and Venus in Love
  • Mars and Venus Together Forever: A Practical Guide to Creating Lasting Intimacy
  • Mars and Venus in the Bedroom
  • Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Book of Days
  • Mars and Venus Starting Over
  • How To Get What You Want and Want What You Have
  • Children Are from Heaven
  • Practical Miracles for Mars and Venus: Nine Principles for Lasting Love, Increasing Success, and Vibrant Health in the Twenty-first Century
  • Mars and Venus in the Workplace
  • Truly Mars & Venus
  • The Mars & Venus Diet & Exercise Solution
  • Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress
  • Mars and Venus: 365 Ways to Keep Passion Alive
  • Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice – Hormonal Balance – The Key to Life, Love, and Energy
  • 75 Ways To Say I Love You
  • How To Release Stress Through Relaxation
  • Work with Me: The 8 Blind Spots Between Men and Women in Business


When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom.

To love someone is to acknowledge the goodness of who they are. Through loving a person we awaken their awareness of their own innate goodness. It is as though they cannot know how worthy they are until they look into the mirror of our love and see themselves.

If I seek to fulfill my own needs at the expense of my partner, we are sure to experience unhappiness, resentment, and conflict. The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win.

And here’s John Gray explaining how the law of attraction is the basis of relationships:

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